The News

If you're ever sitting idly, perhaps eating a poorly wrapped burrito, trying to do anything but what it is that you have to do, delve into Ananova, a British news site ("the home of breaking news") that will surely skirt any inklings of "in order to make myself feel better, I'm going to feel sorry for myself. Damn this sour cream is stingy." Example: in a summer internship at Maxim last year, which Sam will be undertaking this summer, I used Ananova extensively for assigned research on the kinds of quirky, stupid shit that fill Maxim's last page. I learned in Qatar that month (this was July), a camel race had been held, except not any old camel race. Instead of amazingly petite Spanish (or I suppose in this case, Qatari) men, robots would ride the hump to the finish-line glory. Yes, robots. As jockeys. Riding the camels. This was the first time any such event had been staged. Since, I have found that this story was covered by far more respected outlets, but still...I read it on Ananova first.

In that vein, two delights just found tonight:

Pips might taste better microwaved, but Berliner Karl-Friedrich Lentze is pissed - he's suing Watership Down's sellout relative because chocolate makes you fat, and because said relative is "sadistic...unscrupulous." Better yet, some crackpot Berlin lawyer agrees with him.

Or even better still, and Stovetops listen up, it seems a record deal is only a few depressing, private basement webcam performances away. I'm not saying this holds a candle to Freedom Spring, but if Paul McCartney gives you some vague advice, the obvious course is to run with it and fire up the webcam, right?

the high and mighty

How noble of the Times to stay above the storm - dubbed payola six - currently bearing down on their much cheaper newsstand neighbors by blithely reporting on it! Not to hate too much on the Ol' Gray Lady - i'll now do so here - but the Times coverage of payola six/NYP/NYDN duel right now reeks of breakfast newsflashes to out-of-touch, Fairfield Hoighty-Toights. "Dear, have you seen this section yet? It appears there's some sort of ruckus between the two tabloids the gardeners are always reading during their lunch break. Hmm, how entertaining."

Though, for the sake of fairness, I have to admit I hadn't yet heard the one about the Daily News breaking the story on the Post's circulation scam. Apparently, they said some 10,000 papers were bound for China. What they really meant was a recycling plant in Greenpoint. Nor was I aware that dandy Jared Paul Stern used to be a Phishhead. The dude went to BENNIGTON! And look at him now! Under the bright lights of the FBI! With an edgy, prep sensibilty, even! (Note: Jared Paul Stern's online apparel looks so budget, so hoaky, one has to wonder if it's just a front for the transcontinental coke ring this dandy's running on Ron Perelman and Harvey Weinstein's dime.)

There's a lot more to comment on this story, though what I find most intriguing are the now-daily Times buzzupdates on payola six, including what's above: a flashy, New York-magazinish floating head graphic that, somehow, connects Tracy Morgan with Hil, Bill, and Leo's former flame. Damn, Arthur, the troops are good.

and strike two...

Slash oh fucking Jesus and Semadar chain, not again. As if javagerism weren't bad enough, "hipster synagogues"? Where in Yentl's name has arthur retardzberger been finding these assholes?

BUSTED.

NERD ALERT AT NYT.COM PART MCXVII...

Fess up--which one of The Stovetops has been writing for the times under the pseudonym "Michael Walker," and who decided to grace the yup-yup/brown-grad world with this backstage pass? Or should we just thank M.W. for giving us yet another reason to wish we'd made it to the hipster hannukah?